I have recently put myself in a position to create, often. Everyday to be exact. I call the project 35in35. The name is suitable, mainly because I started it 35 days before the end of the year. But the point of the project was not a quirky name. The point was to force myself into a project that will make me progress in multiple aspects of what I do. "A swift, self boot to the ass," as my council says.
The project idea started out as part of a planned 40 day fast. I was aiming to purposely put myself on the path back to meditation, and relation with Jesus. But just shortly before the fast began, My Lady and I came to the decision that is was not the best time to fast. Granted, the point of a fast is to let go of what distracts you from God and put yourself into what draws you near to Him. But in our case, our life was not in position to pull away from. So instead, I set myself up in a position to create. To use what God has given me as a gift, and do some good with it.
The project has been a success so far. I am about 15 days till the finish. I am very much enjoying the journey. It has been a public venture, which gives me accountability. It has been a great use to me in learning to increase my imagination and abilities to create, and replicate. Finally, it has given me time to relax, and just enjoy doing something I was created to do.
Almost ninety five percent of the time I have my headphones on. This was a stipulation I personally gave myself. If I was not going to fast, I was definitely going to increase the intake of Jesus somehow. So before I started out, I downloaded almost forty podcasts from iTunes. The main ones coming from Willow Creek Community Church, and Passion City Church. To say the least, I am absolutely happy with these two Ministries. The ability to be guided by the spirit, and share the full, deep down, submarine-esk level of scripture on a personal level is amazing. These Pastors are blessed. As I am blessed to be able to study them.
Zoning out on a drawing project really does keep me relaxed. The Podcasts are my daily fill of the word. Along side my random readings and music I follow. The whole process is very enjoyable. But this whole project can become a distraction, strong enough to make me forget the issues I am trying to overcome. Only if I let it.
I still keep tabs on myself. I still make a conscious effort everyday to remember the problems I have dealt with. I have created a system with My Lady to keep me in check when it comes to some decision making. Not because I need a baby sitter, but because I care about her enough to want her to know that she is a part of all that I do.
A pastor I had lunch with a few months back explained something interesting to me. Something I had heard before, but not told this way. He first hit me with a question, followed by a "Don't worry, I had trouble answering it too." He asked me this: "What does God want for your Life?"
After I offered a few choices and a few fumbles, he explained to me the answer. In accordance to scripture, the Apostle Paul lays it out. God's will for your life is for you to be Sanctified. Break down Sanctified, and it means to be Holy. To be holy is to be a character of God. To be in relationship with him as close as a parent to his child. This all starts to happen when you let go and believe in Jesus. As scripture states "The old passes away, and all becomes new." A new Life, a new creation, a new heart. All of it in Christ who is our connection to God.
So where am I going with this? Well with this transformation through surrender, One is given a refreshed and new heart. A spirit guided heart no longer guided by the world. Because before the belief, everything that I did seemed Natural, and Normal to do. In doing all this I made an addiction out of what seemed normal. Scripture states that the human heart is wicked and selfish, and allows you into temptation. But when you receive the new heart and spirit, you are totally new! No longer guided by the Natural, but now guided by the unconditional, non explainable, supernatural.
So now that this new is in Me, I no longer naturally do sinful things of the old heart. I Choose to do them . . . ignoring the new spiritual heart.
When my pastor friend explained this to me. I sat there stunned. It is a humbling punch in the stomach. Because it's true. After you change your self, making the decisions I used to make would make me sick. Literally I would feel gross inside. But the more I decided to ignore that feeling, the more selfish I became, the more I made a callus to it. Eventually not feeling anything at all. But now, especially after hearing this reminder of renewal, and how it is not a natural thing, but a decision I make to do what I do, I am aiming to be aware of it. I am aiming to try and follow God's path, and not decide to follow the human path.
It was not God that lead me into the wilderness this time, It was Myself who chose My path, and say that I had it all under control, and He could come hang out if He wanted too.
This project has started to reconnect me to a bunch of things. I am connecting to my faith again. I am creating discipline in myself again. I am using my gifts that God has blessed me with create and share my stories.
In doing all this I am becoming more motivated for more change. To be a better Lover, a better Father, a better Friend, and a better Servant, I feel Happy about that!
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