As weeks go on, and you continue to break down your Core, it sometimes seems like you are achieving nothing. The beginning of any new project/journey seems to be the most intense part. You get so amped up to get started. You get so motivated with ideas, and goals, that you almost give everything you have to launching it off on the right foot. Once started, there is a need to keep that energy going, keep that focus tuned, keep to the Faith. This is where most things begin to fall apart.
As I continue to address my personal issues, I cannot help but notice moments of stillness. It almost feels like I am just waiting around for the next session of council. But sometimes I know for a fact that things are moving because I can see the change in posture. I can see the change in the way I think about things. It becomes refreshing. It is in those down times though that I have to remind myself of the reasons I began this. Why I seek help and council. I continually remind myself: God does not want me to rely on my ways but on His guidance only. Without Him, I will always fall back to my old devices. Also my Lay and my Son deserve someone that has Integrity, and Discipline, and Structure. Someone who is strong enough to lead them, and also someone who will be there for them when they need a friend, a helper, a teacher. Someone who they can be intimate with.
In the last session, this was one of the focuses I tried to talk about. Intimacy. When most people hear this word, the first thing that comes to mind is Intercourse between two Lovers. This is true, Sex is an intimate part of healthy relationships. But it is not, and should not be the only form of intimacy. Conversation and small selfless acts of Love are also intimacy. Being able to talk with people about emotions and the way things make you feel is linked to it. Doing things for the people you love solely for the fact that you love them, even if your not in the mood, or don't feel like you want too. This too is a form of intimate connections.
Growing up in a family that did not talk to much about feelings, this was one part of what made it tough for me, (and till this day is still tough,) to talk to friends, and family and to my lady about my personal emotions and my personal struggles. Doing so make me open to rejection. It also makes me vulnerable. Things we, naturally as humans, are worried about. Even if we speak that we are not. But on the switch side of things; If the openness comes from a place of Love, and is presented properly, and not thrown out as criticism, or judgement, it will open up a chance for an intimate connection with whoever is on the other end of the conversation. Strengthening a bound and a relationship. True intimacy is hard sometimes. But the more we do it, the lighter the toughness can get.
With sexual addiction, We usually substitute true intimacy with something that appears as intimacy. Instead of being open with our emotions and struggles, we bottle them up and put them away in dark places. We grow up believing that we should not speak about our emotions for whatever reasons. Could be that we feel no one cares about them. Could be that we are scared that we will be outcasts for the way we feel. We feel our emotions will scare someone away. Thus creating stress. Whatever the reasons are, we hide them, and instead substitute it with physical forms of intimacy, and sometimes surface conversations that create the illusion of an intimate conversation.
This is when an addiction can begin to take shape. We see that we are accepted "intimately" with someone, and we did not have to really address the deeper emotions. Then we begin to live out this practice of keeping it surface, keeping in physical and flirty. Never diving down to the true emotions. Just continually storing them up in the dark places. From experience I can say, you can only bottle and box so many emotions before adverse reaction begin to happen. Other things in life begin to lose their meanings. Passion for things you do, or enjoy begins to fade. Relationships with other begin to become surface too. Disconnection from people starts. A pattern of days begins to form. A routine schedule of events and people. The get up, eat, work, eat, sleep starts. Stress levels rise because your inner spirit wants to connect. This is when I think Recreation becomes Addiction. When we begin to abuse our connection as a stress reliever. When we begin to look for something to drink to drown the stress. When we seek another line to erase the stress. When we speak some dirt on someone to make ourselves happy about who we are. When we look for someone to give us attention to make us feel wanted. When we seek sexual connection to feel intimacy.
As with most addictions, they become addictions because they are a means to get away from whatever it is that is bothering us. Stress, Pain, Loss, Etc. I would even venture to say we use them in highlight situations as well, Job Promotion, Relocating, Inheritance, Birthdays, Holidays. These can be a positive event we can enjoy, but may remind our Core of a pain or stress of un-released emotion that ales us. So what do we do with that . . .
With this small part of understanding, I now try to focus on whatever it is that is stressing me out. I try to put my attention on the true issue that ales me, and tries to get me to return to the bottle, or return to the line, or the temporary connections I so much relied on before. I work through whatever it is and try to talk about it. Or I write it down and talk with my councilor about it. I journal about it as well. Asking God to show me how to address it in a healthy manner and overcome it.
There is NO intimacy in casual sex. There is NO intimacy in perverse conversation. The is NO intimacy is destructive gossip. Relationships that are held together by such things are destined for failure. Not just relationships as in Dating. Relationships with one another, with children, with friends, with family, with associates. As humans we long for connection. TRUE connections. That's why we count our friends on one hand. We count the associates on many. TRUE relationships, TRUE Love comes from intimacy. It's not a dirty sex word. It's not a cheesy Valentines Day thing. It's connection through our personal openness and the selfless love for others. Putting them before us. Giving them what they need simply for the fact that we truly care about them.
Intimate relationship is Love & Love conquers all.
No comments:
Post a Comment